Rachel's world

So here we go again...

2008-05-02T22:26:00.003-04:00

I am going to back track a tad. Saturday evening I'm feeling crappy. Evey time I take a deep breath I get a pain in the side of my chest. Pain still there on Sunday. I have a medical test scheduled for Monday morning and I figure after that I'll go to the hospital and get this pain checked out.

OK, and overnight stay and 3 tests later and they have no idea what is or was. Thankfully I'm feeling better. I have to say the new cancer center @ St. Peter's was lovely. They were individual suites -no sharing with some random weirdo.

Anyway today I started back w/ chemo and according to the doctor I should really have no side effects--WHATEVER dude as long as it does what it is supposed to do. Hopefully my hair will start to grow back. Kojak and I could be related except my scalp doesn't have that sleek shine going on. And also because he is dead already.

TTFN

2008-04-04T06:22:00.002-04:00

Back to the drawing board....
Well I was dealt a shitty hand recently-no I don't mean cards either.
I have been feeling a little weak in the legs and arms for a while and thought because I had in bed for a few days battling a cold, I thought I was just weak. Well it just started to get worse problems getting off the couch, climbing stairs, grocery shopping, you name it. I finally said something to the doctor and of course they order a battery of tests.

That's fine because I also had my routine Ct scans coming up too and I was anxious to see what the new drug was doing since my hair is coming back. So they did MRI's on my back-nothing compromising my spine-good. The MRI of the the old noggin shows some cancer--NICE. I am currently undergoing 15 treatments of radiation. The doctor is VERY optimistic that this is going to get rid of whatever needs not to be there-which in turn makes me feel very confident that it is going to work.

However they still do not know whether the weakness is due to the brain malfunction or if it's the chemo doing something wacky so-wish me luck.

TTFN

2008-03-03T12:49:00.002-05:00

Howdy folks!

Been some time since I felt like "talking" but here goes.

One-Today's weather made me feel good today. It is sunny and the temp will probably max out near 60 degrees.

Two-I got a nice e-mail from a friend that made feel all tingly.

Three-I am feeling pretty good about myself these days. My HAIR--yes I said HAIR--is starting to grow back. Not like Crystal Gayle or anything but I actually got it "trimmed" about three weeks ago because I was looking pretty crazy. But I have put away the baseball caps and actually used some styling product to keep my hair in place.

Lastly I have started the 4th cycle in the new DRUG I am on and in about another month I will have CT scans to see how this is doing. I HOPE HOPE HOPE that I can stay with this. It's nice to have hair again. Also I feel pretty good and DO NOT want to start something new.

TTFN

2008-02-05T12:43:00.000-05:00

Super Tuesday

Ok so it's Super Tuesday and I have no idea who to vote for. I really feel no dedication to either party and not even sure who stands for what.

I was liking the platform for getting all American's affordablehealth insurance especially since our family has to pay for our own medical and dental insurance. Then I hear how Hillary plans to "pay" for it. She was going to garnish their wages to pay for it. DUH-- if you garnish their wages when they can't afford to pay for it in the first place how will they afford to live or eat??

Anyway Obama was on the same platform but I haven't heard how he was going to fund it.

Not sure what McCain's platform is but I want to vote. I feel like I am doing something to make a difference.

I do know that in the next few months we will be overcome with political ads and attack campaigns. I guess I'll find out who is going to "try" to make a difference.

All I know is that I would like this stupid war to end and the gas prices go back to a reasonable rate. Is that too much to ask for??

TTFN

2008-01-15T12:30:00.000-05:00

Sickening

I have just read a news article about a little girl who was beaten by her mother and stepfather apparently because she forgot to say yes sir or something equally absurd. On Saturday I read the newspaper as I do every week and was appalled at the stories I was reading.

A local woman drowned her 9 month old daughter, A mother in Washington DC killed her four kids, Some nut threw his kids off a bridge because he had a fight with his wife, another asshole stabbed his kids and their mother then himself and set fire to his house in an effort to conceal his crime. Should I go on....

I was so depressed after reading these stories and just wanted to go pick up my own daughter and hold her. How on earth can anyone look at the face of a child let alone another human and decide whether they are disposable?

I just can't believe what somepeople are capable of..

TTFN

2007-12-29T09:23:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!!!

Well it's been a long while since my last rant-I mean post. Few things have happened.

We had a vacation in Arizona the beginning of December and it was a beauty. It was cool to get out of this dirty town and see something new. No smog or pollution but the Border patrol was out and in force!!! We were visiting Rob's brother and sister in law and did a little early Christmas celebrating. Since they come out every year we decided to go there. It was cool.
Of course Lindsay got sick. I swear every time we leave the state she gets a cold. She must need the pollution laiden air to survive--like some kind of mutant kid!

Anyway, I am now on PLAN C for cancer control. The CT scan I had a few weeks ago showed that the spots on my liver were getting a little bigger. So off one drug and onto another. This one should allow my hair to start growing back. And I really am feeling pretty good with this one. Not feeling tired and run down like I was with the last drug so WOO HOO!!

So Christmas was good to us and we had the family over including My FATHER!!! Shocking as it sounds it was cool. We haven't spent a holiday together in a very long time--well Sean, my Dad, and me so it was cool. Also the week before Lindsay had a little concert at school and it was too cute. All these little kids attempting to sing holiday songs. We had a good time.

Other than that all is quiet for the time being. Hopefully 2008 will bring bigger and much better things for everyone!!

TTFN

2007-10-08T10:50:00.000-04:00

Monday Monday

I don't know whether to crawl back into bed or what. I had Ct scans done last week. No biggie the regular check up so to speak. I have a treatment tomorrow so I figured I wouldn't hear from the doctor til I see him.

So I go almost a full week without him calling and then...you guessed it. He called this morning. That ALWAYS means bad news. Apparently my chest is clear and all of my blood work was "normal" except for a few spots in my abdomen. They apparently have gotten bigger.

So he has a few ideas on how to plan the attack. The one he wants to start with is going back to WEEKLY treatments. He figured I was doing great that way so hopefully I'll go back to doing great. We'll have to see after 6 weeks and a new CT scan how it's really going.

If not that then maybe a new drug. The thought of that scares me because I've never gotten sick from anything I was on and there is bound to be one that is going to get me.

I guess I should count my lucky stars and be glad I have had so good, but I am ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to break some shit or yell at someone. I mean what the fuck!

I don't want to sound like poor me, but I'm pissed. I'm also depressed at the thought of all of this. I feel like I did at the beginning..... like was I going to make it to see my baby graduate from high school or get married or will I get to hold my grandchild? I hate feeling like this.

HELP

2007-09-17T10:07:00.000-04:00

Did I forget to change the calendar??

I swear it's only September but wow did the temp drop. Lindsay and I were visiting Grandma and I of course don't think to bring a jacket or sweatshirt so of course we were cold. Anyway we had a good time having our sleep-over -as Lindsay calls it. So now were back and ready to begin our week. Thankfully she doesn't have school today because I needed a break from rising early.

All for now--Rob need to start work.

TTFN

2007-09-04T21:53:00.000-04:00

Summer's gone.....

OK so it's not really gone but everyone is going back to school and the traffic in town will start to suck royally again. Lindsay started full time today and I was totally freaked out and was scared that she was going to be like "where's my mom" after lunch. (that's normally when I picked her up) But she had a GREAT day. She was able to hang out all day with her buddies.

I can't believe that she is going to be 4 years old soon. It's scary...like what do I know about raising a kid?? But I guess we're doing something right-she seems to be doing just fine accept for the crappy attitude. I can't remember being that fresh to my Mom. Oh well...I guess it will get worse with PMS.......AAAHHH!!!

All in all it was a good day. I even started back to work full time.
WooHoo says my wallet!!!

TTFN

2007-08-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

Another one bites the dust

Well another birthday has come and gone. This one was pretty good. No nasty phone calls had to be made to my father because he forgot, he actually called a few days prior to make sure we could get together. Also heard from my aunt who was going on vacation and I can't wait to hear about it. It was a pretty terriffic b'day weekend.

It started out great because I heard from a long lost school pal. Someone I was wanting to contact but was nervous to do so. So I finally bit the bullet and wrote a note and mailed it off. Like 2 says later she called and was so happy to hear from me. We are going to make plans to meet up and catch up on each other's lives. Then Saturday my actual b'day I went to lunch w/ my Dad and heard a bit of gossip that nearly made me fall over. It was truly stunning!!!!!!

Then Sunday we went to a zoo with another family and Lindsay had a grand ole time. It was great. No running around just a nice relaxing weekend.

Also I must mention my dear cousin and her fundraising walk. She hit her goal and I couldn't be happier. I wish her the best of luck and will cheer her on from home. She is not only dong it for me but for every woman who is fighting this nonsense. I just want her to know she is so special to me and that I love her!!!

TTFN

2007-07-31T21:14:00.000-04:00

Getting old!!

As I was scanning the radio I found that the "oldies" station was back.

I heard something that made me feeel SICK!!! When did Huey Lewis and the News become oldies music???

Then I did the math and realized that I AM OLD!!!!

Wow does this suck big time. Where has the time gone. It seems like yesterday that I was riding a big wheel and getting into trouble.

Somebody help!

TTFN

2007-07-23T20:52:00.000-04:00

Ok so I had a doctor's appointment today, my first since the cast was removed. So the doc says does your ankle hurt I say no he asks me to move it around so I did. Ok, so why was I not allowed to return to work?? It would have been different if I had a "real" job, but working for my mother-in-law is not a real big deal. But the MOUNTAIN of work that awaited me was!!

I went back anyway and resumed driving a few days later but seriously what the heck. He apparently had no idea what chaos my life was in since that awful afternoon.

I still am trying to get back in the swing of things. I hated having other people do my stuff. Although I greatly appreciated the effort from my husband. Having to take care of me, Lindsay, laundry and all other kinds of crap sure took a toll on him. He thanks me every chance he gets for taking care of all that stuff because he didn't realize how much I really did until I couldn't.

TTFN

2007-07-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

Ding Dong the cast is GONE.....

Yes, the cast is off!!! The skin underneath is quite nasty. I feel like some type of alien being. Once the skin was able to "breath" it looked as if it was bubbling and cracking and of course I was shedding all over the carpet. Guess I'll be vacuuming tomorrow.

The doctor said not to get it wet until tomorrow so the long awaited shower will have to wait a few hours more. I have to say it feels very weird and I am having a small problem adjusting back to the non-cast wearing days but I guess I'll get there.

Wish me luck as I try to drive again.

TTFN

2007-06-25T22:01:00.000-04:00

Sticks and Stones may break my bones and so can falling in pee pee.......

Ok I haven't been on in a long time but I have a good excuse..

So picture it the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and I am trying to do a million and one things. My little Lindsay is asleep on the couch because I dragged her all over running errands.
So back to me-I am upstairs folding laundry and cleaning up when I hear my precious angle calling me. So I yell back to her that I'll be right there.

So I go down the stairs and as soon as my foot hits the floor I slip because the floor is wet. With what you may ask well, it was pee pee-not mine but Lindsay's- that is why she was calling me.

Anyway as I am sitting on the floor I noticed what a weird angle my ankle is in and come the realization that it is broken!!!

I was looking like James Caan in Misery. Strangely enough I was not in much pain but more concerned about how this was going to effect my evening.

Long story short-too late- I now have three screws holding my ankle in place and have a cast past my knee. I was in the hospital all thru the Memorial Day weekend. Yahoo!!

So now I have to wait until July 12 to get this big ass cast off.

TTFN

2007-04-20T22:19:00.000-04:00

What is this world coming to?? When I was in school I never had to worry about whether the kid sitting next to me was going to go postal and start shooting up the place, all I had to worry about was graduating and getting out of there!!

What kind of people do this stuff--what goes thru their heads. I pray that my daughter grows up to be happy and not a tortured soul so that she feels the need to kill others.

Why is it that authority figures don't feel the need to protect us from people like that. I mean really there was some other ass roaming the streets of NYC and he decided to rape and torture a woman for almost 24 hrs. He was in jail and was paroled--why do we let these people go?

I fear the future....

2007-04-15T22:09:00.000-04:00

Ok so much for spring. First it snows now this friggin nor'easter!! What the heck is going on here. There's water everywhere.

The scooter the the Easter Bunny brought Lindsay remains in the house because the weather has sucked since Easter!!!

I am hoping that the weather improves because I have stuff I want to accomplish outdoors.

TTFN

2007-04-05T22:55:00.000-04:00

Ok so it's the first week of April and it was SNOWING--Yeah I said SNOWING-today. Ok not enough to cover anything but still it's not supposed to do this. The freakin Easter Bunny can't hop in the snow. How is my little princess supposed to wear her spring dress when it's freezing out??

Well according the weather man it's supposed to cold for at least a week then start to warm up. Hopefully none of my plants that we JUST planted will die.

All for now.
TTFN

2007-04-01T12:15:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Porq
Happy Birthday to you!!!

2007-03-26T21:11:00.000-04:00

OK so one of my duties at my job is to proctor exams. So this past Saturday I had a few people taking a test.
So one person finishes and says that the girl that was sitting in front her had her book opened. She said that she still has it open if I wanted to check.
So...I checked.. low and behold her book is open and she is CHEATING!!!! I go into the classroom and walk up to her and tell her to give me the book. She does so and I went about my business. So about 15-20 minutes go by and other people are finished and I grade their exams and "she" comes out.
She hands me her test and I told her I'm not going to grade it. She asks why. I told her because she was cheating. She totally denies it. She said that she was already done with the test and was gathering her things. Apparently I was wearing the "I'm stupid" shirt. I tell her that I will talk to the admin person and she needs to call on Monday to find out what they will do. She asks why. I said because you had the book open. She said she didn't. I said I SAW YOU. Needless to say this went on for about 45 minutes with tears flowing.
I couldn't believe my ears, eyes and every other body part.
Here she she is a late 20 something LYING!!!! How is she going to make it in the world. She kept saying what am I going to do-what am I going to tell my father. Tell him you CHEATED!!! She apparently was afraid that the Daddy gravy train was going to be cut off. She had a BMW that must have cost more that mine and Rob's cars put together.
Gimme a freakin break!!!

She really pissed me off when she said--"You don't know my problems".
Yeah can you believe that???
I told her "You don't want to know my problems!" Stupid bitch!!!

Anyways--needed to get that off my chest. She really put a damper on my whole day.

2007-03-13T20:46:00.000-04:00

Couple things--Don't you hate when someone asks you a question then either doesn't listen or repeats the wrong info. Why did you ask if you weren't listening. I mean really are you that stupid. I mean I work part-time and answer phone to talk to dopes!!

Why is it that people are so impolite? You say hi or hold a door open for some jerk and they don't even smile at you let alone say thanks. Well screw you mister next time I'll let the door slam you in the face.

Okay last thing..At my bi-monthly chemo-sessions there are some strange birds. Today is the first day of my "new date". ( I used to go on Fridays with a subdued crowd but since Lindsay is in school I figured it would be easier to go and not have to ask my mother in law to watch her) Anyway there were weirdos there today. Some old lady who can't hear correctly butting in to conversations and not making any sense. Maybe it's that she needs attention but man shut it. Also some lady who looks like she raided Tammy Faye's make up kit. Whoa - who let the clown in here.
At least the nurses are good and they got me out in time to retreive my little princess!

TTFN

2007-03-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

Woo Hoo it's March!! We have made it another month.
Good news-doctor has upped my meds but I go less frequently and I'm still feeling good.

Something I want to get of my chest--Anna Nicole--yeah she was a big ole mess and she left behind a big ole mess but I can't help thinking of her poor baby. She is innocent in all of this and all she knows is that her Mommy is gone and not coming back. Who knows who the father is and if it isn't they man who is on her birth certificate then this baby is going to have to go to someone she doesn't know!! I don't care about the adults in this situation but that poor baby is all I can think of. It makes me depressed and glad that I am not in that situation.

Anyway....that's all for now.

2007-02-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

Another day Another chemo session. Actually not too bad anymore. I now go every other week instead of every week. My tumor count is now 3--it started (from what I remember) in the high 20's. This is very good news. I received an e-mail the other day asking to sign a petition to help women under going mastectomies with hospitalization. I signed it and sent it off to a few women I felt were important to me and hopefully would sign and sent it out to others. Of course the most important person on the list-my cousin was good enough to relate my story and sent it out to solicit more signatures. Thankfully I do not need the surgery but I certainly feel for those who do.

I miss my cousin immensely and miss the old days of us playing and getting in trouble. We were/are like sisters and I love her just as much as if we were. I am glad to have her love and support!!

On to the lighter side of life...Lindsay had her 1st Valentine's party on Thursday because school was closed on Wednesday --the teacher said they were watching a Valentine themed video and one of her friends named Dennis put his arm around her and told her that she was his girlfriend. She apparently was repulsed by that and backed off--Oh how happy that made her Daddy!!!

Anyway she has a close knit group of friends that she generally hangs with and is quite content with them so it makes Mom happy.

2007-02-14T20:29:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!! I haven't left the house since Sunday.

Help-I know what it means to cabin fever now. I was hoping for a nice snow storm, instead we get ice, rain, hail--what suck weather!!

Hopefully Lindsay will be in school tomorrow. She finally staring to be more like herself agian, I'm not sure if that's a good thing though.

Anyway, I hope to leave the house soon and interact with others.

2007-02-13T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ok--my daughter was running a fever as of Saturday. I took her work w/ me because Dad had a few appointments--no biggie. We get home and she wants to sleep in "the big bed" (Mom and Dad's bed)-again no bigggie. I lay sdown with her and wonder what the heat is set on because it's so freakin HOT!!! Needless to say it was her!! She had a FEVER. So Dad comes home and we are debating what to do. Early evening arrives and I say I'm going to take her to the ER. He says let's wait a while......

Famous last words--we wound up at JFK's Er at 4AM!!!! They gave her some Motrin, an X-ray, and a prescription for an antibotic.

Today is Tuesday--her cold is still here-her cough sounds more like a seal barking than a little girl. Also her voice is almost gone-which could be a good thing.

So no school for her today and were waiting for this "snow" to come. I know we'll get screwed because tomorrow is her first school Valentine party and her first school trip. I'm sure she would like to snow better anyway.

All for now--LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW

2007-02-08T11:53:00.000-05:00

I am officially one of those housewives/mothers who go shopping during the day while their child is in school. Yep-me and all the senior citizens(who shouldn't be driving a car or a shopping cart!)
Why is it that no one cares about anyone else except themselves. It is butt-ass cold out and there are STUPIDS not letting a pedestrian walk in front of them to get into a store. Instead I have to wait in -10 degrees for some dumbass in her Mercedes to drive past while lighting her cancer sticks so I can go into a freaking store!!

Whatever lady!!
I'm off to pick up my kid from school.

2007-02-07T11:21:00.000-05:00

Cancer sucks!! I am so happy that my treatments are going well but my freakin hair is starting to come out again. I hate wearing a hat. I feel like I am 10years old again. ( God knows I do not want to go back to that point in my life) Anyway...oh the money I am saving in styling products!!!

So sorry to hear about the Nazi's Porq!!!